I lived through Blue Monday. I don't think that today has been categorized or colourized or pre-ordained to hold anything in particular. It's just a day. My day starts barnyard early with dogs yipping for breakfast at 5:30 am. At the core of the life of every commuter are the concepts of sleep and light. It's not so much the length of the train ride into work each day and back again that starts to gnaw at your sanity. It's sleep and light. The sleep issue is non-negotiable: bed by 10:00 pm or I am screwed. Yes, sleep is a necessity but light is something much more. For those who leave home in the cat hours of fumbling darkness and return as the last sliver of day is on it's way out, the degree of daylight that you are afforded is a measure of hope. It's a wonderful gift.
I've started to notice a ray of grey, on the homeward journey and it makes me very happy. As I am taking the train home, half restless with the desire to get to my husband and my animals and my house and my "life" and half snoozing with a constant physical need for just a little bit more sleep, I know that soon, in the next few weeks there will indeed be light. And it's not just the symbolic meaning or psychological effects of the light. There is a time, minutes stretching out and ushering in the end of day, when pink and pearl and blue and gold seem to join together if only for a very little while. I always think of it as the beautiful hour. I have moved alot in my life and lived in some plain jane ugly towns: Sudbury, Tacoma, Toronto...I don't think anyone has ever written a poem or won a photography contest while trying to capture the sun setting over Sudbury. Still, it doesn't seem to matter where you are in the world, there is a luxuriantly brief time of certain evenings when everything is beautiful. Maybe it's some chemical effect, ozone layers shifting, I would rather think about how it reminds me of summer and throwing my bike on the front lawn in happy exhaustion and being told that it's time to come in and go to bed.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
January 18th is the Cruellest Day
I thought that it was just me but apparently January 18th is called Blue Monday and is said to be the most miserable day of the year. Seems some cheery soul with a mind for equations whipped up a methodology for determining what day of the year lined up the perfect storm of lousy elements including debt, weather, lack of sunshine, post holiday pudge, affliction of SAD, etc.
I kept checking the lunar calendar last week and wondering why I felt so down, depleted and outright depressed. On the bright side of misery ( shadenfruede:)) I was not alone. I noticed that just about everyone else around me was in a crotchety mood. Public transportation commuters -- crankier than usual, sideswiping backpacks and bitching away on the Blackberry. Toronto Transit Commission employees -- this doesn't count -- it's part of their job description: they have to be miserable or they don't get paid. Usually benign co-workers -- not a laugh in sight. Even the happiest of non-chemically induced happy optimists, man with the rose coloured glasses (my darlin' husband) was pretty down...though to be fair he did discover, by week's end, that most of his woe was due to an infected root canal. More than enough to get most folks knickers in a knot.
I guess it didn't help matters this weekend that we're still anxious over Hank, canine son # 2, who is working through seasonal aches and pains, arthritis, etc. He's no youngin' and I worry about him constantly. Then there is the debt retirement issue in our house (this is somewhat connected to the previous issue and I wonder if I should just keep our veterinarian on a retainer)....we are living plastic free and it's an adjustment to be shaken by the constant reality that you can only buy what you can afford. Really? I haven't lived without a credit card since high school and nowadays there's nowhere to go when you need an advance on your allowance. Finally, my mood was not greatly improved by the selection of movies that we rented this weekend: The Hurt Locker and Moon. Great movie and good movie respectively but not exactly The Sound of Music. I wonder if they could be re-written as musicals?
I'm going to do some research into the science of Blue Monday and find out if I really have to wait until June 23rd (supposedly the happiest day of the year) to smile.
I kept checking the lunar calendar last week and wondering why I felt so down, depleted and outright depressed. On the bright side of misery ( shadenfruede:)) I was not alone. I noticed that just about everyone else around me was in a crotchety mood. Public transportation commuters -- crankier than usual, sideswiping backpacks and bitching away on the Blackberry. Toronto Transit Commission employees -- this doesn't count -- it's part of their job description: they have to be miserable or they don't get paid. Usually benign co-workers -- not a laugh in sight. Even the happiest of non-chemically induced happy optimists, man with the rose coloured glasses (my darlin' husband) was pretty down...though to be fair he did discover, by week's end, that most of his woe was due to an infected root canal. More than enough to get most folks knickers in a knot.
I guess it didn't help matters this weekend that we're still anxious over Hank, canine son # 2, who is working through seasonal aches and pains, arthritis, etc. He's no youngin' and I worry about him constantly. Then there is the debt retirement issue in our house (this is somewhat connected to the previous issue and I wonder if I should just keep our veterinarian on a retainer)....we are living plastic free and it's an adjustment to be shaken by the constant reality that you can only buy what you can afford. Really? I haven't lived without a credit card since high school and nowadays there's nowhere to go when you need an advance on your allowance. Finally, my mood was not greatly improved by the selection of movies that we rented this weekend: The Hurt Locker and Moon. Great movie and good movie respectively but not exactly The Sound of Music. I wonder if they could be re-written as musicals?
I'm going to do some research into the science of Blue Monday and find out if I really have to wait until June 23rd (supposedly the happiest day of the year) to smile.
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